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	<title>ulblog.org &#187; humour</title>
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	<link>http://www.ulblog.org</link>
	<description>A blog dedicated to the discussion of urban legends, superstitions, ghost stories and folklore</description>
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		<title>Swimming with the fishes</title>
		<link>http://www.ulblog.org/2008/12/31/swimming-with-the-fishes/</link>
		<comments>http://www.ulblog.org/2008/12/31/swimming-with-the-fishes/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Thu, 01 Jan 2009 03:27:00 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Murray By Moonlight</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[That Pop Cult Thing]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Unknown]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Urban Legends]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[crime]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[human behaviour]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humour]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.ulblog.org/2008/12/31/swimming-with-the-fishes/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>Arthur Black over at Parksville Qualicum Beach News has written an amusing article about the common gangster movie concept of fitting a victim out with ‘cement shoes,’ for the purposes of not only disposing of the victim, but also of disposing of his or her body in a convenient way as well. His take on [...]</p>
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p><a title="The Gangster" href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/julianrod/233232794/"><img title="233232794_c8e90e3655_m" style="border-right: 0px; border-top: 0px; display: inline; margin: 0px 10px 5px 0px; border-left: 0px; border-bottom: 0px" height="184" alt="233232794_c8e90e3655_m" src="http://www.ulblog.org/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/233232794-c8e90e3655-m.jpg" width="244" align="left" border="0" /></a> Arthur Black over at <em>Parksville Qualicum Beach News</em> has written an amusing article about the common gangster movie concept of fitting a victim out with ‘cement shoes,’ for the purposes of not only disposing of the victim, but also of disposing of his or her body in a convenient way as well.</p>  <p>His take on whether or not it has ever happened in real life is that he hasn’t been able to find a credible reference for any historical examples, and he puts this down to a belief that gangland assassins simply don’t want to mess around with complexities of convincing someone to hold still while you pour cement over their feet. So much simpler to kill them in a more direct way, and dispose of the body <a name='fn_swimming-with-the-fishes_1'></a><a href='#ft_swimming-with-the-fishes_1'>[1]</a> when convenient, right?</p>  <p>Interestingly enough, Mark ‘Chopper’ Read <a name='fn_swimming-with-the-fishes_2'></a><a href='#ft_swimming-with-the-fishes_2'>[2]</a> – a self-proclaimed ex-gangland enforcer in Melbourne, Australia – once appeared on Australian television making the claim that he had, in fact, murdered a man using pretty much this method.</p>  <p>His quote (you can see it extracted <a href="http://docs.newsbank.com.ezproxy.slq.qld.gov.au/openurl?ctx_ver=z39.88-2004&amp;rft_id=info:sid/iw.newsbank.com:AUNB:ACMB&amp;rft_val_format=info:ofi/fmt:kev:mtx:ctx&amp;rft_dat=0FD87A8CA6A16352&amp;svc_dat=InfoWeb:aggregated5&amp;req_dat=26D658CAD0054422B5513D42BF0619AC">here</a>), was:</p>  <blockquote>   <p>&#8216;It took us hours to get him in <a name='fn_swimming-with-the-fishes_3'></a><a href='#ft_swimming-with-the-fishes_3'>[3]</a>, the bastard. He kept climbing out.&#8217;</p> </blockquote>  <p>Of course, Chopper Read has been accused more than once of embellishing his gangland experiences, and since no-one (at least publicly) followed up on this claim it’s anybody’s guess whether or not it truly happened.</p>  <p>To read Arthur Black’s article, visit: <a href="http://www.bclocalnews.com/opinion/36595539.html">Two feet equals six feet under, and other urban legends</a></p>  <p><em>Photo courtesy of <a href="http://www.flickr.com/photos/julianrod/233232794/">julianrod</a></em></p>
<div style='font-size: 11px;width: 490px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><div style='font-weight: bold; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 10px;'><img src="/wp-images/postdiv.jpg" alt="post divider" /><br /><strong>Footnotes:</strong></div><table cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' border='0'><tr><td valign='top' width='30' style='padding-bottom: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;'><a name='ft_swimming-with-the-fishes_1'></a>1.</td><td valign='top' width='510'class='fnote' style='padding-bottom:0px; margin-bottom:0px;'>Perhaps by weighing the <em>body</em> down with cement weights.</td></tr><tr><td width='30' style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'></td><td style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'><a href='#fn_swimming-with-the-fishes_1' class='contentlink'>Return</a></td></tr><tr><td valign='top' width='30' style='padding-bottom: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;'><a name='ft_swimming-with-the-fishes_2'></a>2.</td><td valign='top' width='510'class='fnote' style='padding-bottom:0px; margin-bottom:0px;'>Sometimes credited as ‘Reid’ instead of ‘Read’.</td></tr><tr><td width='30' style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'></td><td style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'><a href='#fn_swimming-with-the-fishes_2' class='contentlink'>Return</a></td></tr><tr><td valign='top' width='30' style='padding-bottom: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;'><a name='ft_swimming-with-the-fishes_3'></a>3.</td><td valign='top' width='510'class='fnote' style='padding-bottom:0px; margin-bottom:0px;'>…to the cement mixer.</td></tr><tr><td width='30' style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'></td><td style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'><a href='#fn_swimming-with-the-fishes_3' class='contentlink'>Return</a></td></tr></table></div>]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The internet chain email massacre</title>
		<link>http://www.ulblog.org/2006/02/07/the-internet-chain-email-massacre/</link>
		<comments>http://www.ulblog.org/2006/02/07/the-internet-chain-email-massacre/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Tue, 07 Feb 2006 13:00:16 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Murray @ ulblog</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Murray by Moonlight]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[chain email]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[email]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[humour]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.ulblog.org/2006/02/07/the-internet-chain-email-massacre/</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[<p>We've all received the chain emails warning us about various dangers, from the dreaded effects of aspartame, to hypodermic needles hidden in McDonalds playpits, to killers lurking in the back seats of our cars.</p>

<p>Join me in the ulblog inbox for a funny take on all of that good-intentioned email hysteria...</p>
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>I&#8217;ve seriously lost count, over the years, of how many things I&#8217;ve been warned about or encouraged to do by chain email.</p>

<p>Remember the Microsoft Money Giveaway email? The one that promised bucketloads of cash for forwarding the email to as many people as you could, because Microsoft had invented an email tracker and apparently wanted to reward people for filling the Internet with spam? Hands up anyone who knows anyone who received any money from it?</p>

<p>Or the one that said that aspartame, used in artificial sweeteners, was making people rot from the inside out?</p>

<p>Or the one that came with the soundfile that when you played it, could tell you your name, star sign and was able to answer basic questions about geometry? <a name='fn_chainemailmassacre:geometry'></a><a href='#chainemailmassacre:geometry' title='Click on this link to jump to the associated footnote'>[1]</a></p>

<p>Amidst receiving all of those emails, did you ever wish you could send one back that described what it would be like if you followed all of that urgent advice?</p>

<p>If you answered, &#8216;Hell, yes!&#8217;, then you&#8217;re not alone&#8230;</p>

<p></p>

<p><span id="more-17"></span></p>

<p>It seems someone has done that very thing, and while your mileage may vary on exactly how funny it is, if at all, I know I got a chuckle out of it as someone who spent a <em>lot</em> of time trying to let people know that chain emails aren&#8217;t necessarily the best way to learn about what&#8217;s really happening in the world.</p>

<div class='tale'><p> My heartfelt appreciation goes out to all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me &#8220;forwards&#8221; over the past 12 months. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed and Healthy.</p>

<p>Extra thanks to whoever sent me the email about rat crap in the glue on envelopes &#8211; &#8217;cause I now have to go get a wet towel every time I need to seal an envelope. Also, I scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.</p>

<p>Because of your genuine concern, I no longer drink Coca Cola because I know it can remove toilet stains, which is not exactly an appealing characteristic.</p>

<p>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.</p>

<p>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.</p>

<p>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone might drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.</p>

<p>I no longer eat KFC because their &#8220;chickens&#8221; are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.</p>

<p>I no longer worry about my soul because at last count, I have 363,214 angels looking out for me. Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.</p>

<p>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl on the Internet who is about to die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258th time).</p>

<p>I no longer have any money at all in fact &#8211; but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special on-line email program.</p>

<p>Yes, I want to thank you all so much for looking out for me that I will now return the favour! If you don&#8217;t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 7 minutes, a large pigeon with a wicked case of diarrhoea will land on your head at 5:00 PM (EST) this afternoon. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour&#8217;s ex-mother-in-law&#8217;s second husband&#8217;s cousin&#8217;s beautician.</p>

<p>DO IT NOW OR ELSE.
And Have a nice day!</p></div>

<p>Have you received a chain email recently that you&#8217;d like to share with ulblog readers? Send it in via the <a title="Submit an Urban Legend - win friends, influence people!" href="http://www.ulblog.org/submit-an-urban-legend/">submit an urban legend</a> link, and I&#8217;ll put it up on the site.</p>

<p></p>
<div style='font-size: 11px;width: 490px; margin-bottom: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px;'><div style='font-weight: bold; font-size: 13px; margin-bottom: 10px;'><img src="/wp-images/postdiv.jpg" alt="post divider" /><br /><strong>Footnotes:</strong></div><table cellpadding='0' cellspacing='0' border='0'><tr><td valign='top' width='30' style='padding-bottom: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px;'><a name='chainemailmassacre:geometry'></a>1.</td><td valign='top' width='510'class='fnote' style='padding-bottom:0px; margin-bottom:0px;'>It&#8217;s very possible that I made that one up.</td></tr><tr><td width='30' style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'></td><td style='padding-bottom:10px; padding-top: 0px;margin-top:0px;'><a href='#fn_chainemailmassacre:geometry' class='contentlink'>Return</a></td></tr></table></div>]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>3</slash:comments>
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