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Conversation with Duncan

By popular demand {i.e. Duncan asked me to go looking for this post}, I’ve dredged the following up from the archives of my previous blog, PlanetThoughtful. It was originally posted on 6 June 2003.

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Me: I have this theory.
Duncan:   I think my cat is about to jump me. I can tell, he gets all sleek and, you know, jumpy…
Me: My theory is that every man is more or less Antonio Banderas.
Duncan:   …Every man is a good looking latinesque guy with dark curly hair?
Me: Well, obviously not all at once, no. But I think you should be able to measure your Antonio Banderasness as a kind of quotient. And there would be days, I assume, where you would be much more Antonio Banderas than on others. For instance, I have days when I’m so Antonio Banderas that I feel like I should be suing the other one for copyright infringement. (a small, reflective pause) Obvioulsy not many of them, of course.
Duncan:   Don’t you think the real Antonio Banderas might be a little bit upset about this theory?
Me: Well, that’s my point. Maybe he isn’t the real Antonio Banderas? Maybe he’s just more Antonio Banderas than the original one was. Maybe the original one was a pig farmer from Iowa? Do they have pig farms in Iowa? Anyway, so maybe this Antonio Banderas just has a very high Antonio Banderas quotient… So the real one — the pig farmer I mean — would be pretty damn annoyed about the whole thing too, wouldn’t you think?
Duncan:   I was right. My cat jumped me.
Me: …I think I’d like you to call me Mr Banderas from here on in.

Juanita Went Away

“Everywhere I go,” the man said, staring through a window at the darkness pressing in against the glass, “there are always puddles of water beneath my feet. I think it’s supposed to mean something, but I don’t know what.”

To Jacob, sitting at the counter next to the man, the diner seemed to be too harshly lit, as if every object within had been rendered with almost painful intensity. He glanced at the man sitting on the next seat and sighed. One of those, he thought. Just my luck.

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Character Profile: The Five O’Clock Shadow

The scourge of the late afternoon [1], The Five O’Clock Shadow receives his devastating Shadow Powers [2] at the stroke of 5pm, only to lose them again an instant later.

As a result, The Five O’Clock Shadow is one of Wisdom City’s more frustrated superheroes, since it’s surprisingly difficult to combat crime when all you have is a single second in which to do it.

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Footnotes:
1.Or the early evening, depending on how you look at it…
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2.i.e., the terrifying ability to block light.
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